Mr. Tourettes

So for all of you who are familiar with Tourettes Syndrome it is not a laughing matter. It is a serious illness that greatly affects the person afflicted by it. I want to start off this blog stating that it is no way a judgement it is however a story that personally happened to me.

Two years ago a man approached me on Myspace for the sake of the story we will call him Brad. After communicating back and forth for a few days Brad asked me to have dinner with him. I happily met him at a restaurant near where I worked for dinner. The chemistry wasn't really great and I remember at one point in the conversation he asked me how I old I was and how much I weighed in one sentence.

After the date he called a few times, but would always hang up at the weirdest times. I thought at the time that he really was just not that interested and that was okay because I felt the same way.

Well this summer one of my co-workers met her new boyfriend on a dating site called plenty of fish. She encouraged me to fill out a profile. (First of all let me tell you I don't recommend this site. As soon as you go on you are bombarded by people trying to instant message you.) Well low and behold guess who approaches me on , POF Brad. This was a funny coincidence because I didn't have a picture or a real name posted. So there was really no way for him to know it was me. So when he sent the message I did answer back and tell him that we've already met and in fact have already been on a first date. Much to my great surprise he didn't remember me. Not a bit. Brad asked me out again and I was hesitant because we had already met. I even told him repeatedly that we had tried, but if he couldn't even remember me this wasn't a good sign. However he finally wore me down and I agreed to have dinner with him.

The night of our date we agreed to meet a new restaurant near my home. I told him that I was interested in eating there because the weather was nice and I wanted to eat on their new deck. So after arriving we ask for a table and the hostess asks him if we would like to eat inside and he answers "yes". At this point I'm kind of in disbelief. This could only really mean one of two things. 1. He wasn't paying attention to anything I was saying or 2. He is not assertive enough to get his desires across. Either way I would say this was strike one for Brad.

The food was great. The conversation was okay, but about 20 minutes into dinner I noticed that Brad's left eye was twitching. He didn't say anything so neither did I. I chalked the twitch up to nerves. But as the meal continued the twitch began affecting his shoulder as well. He continued to not address the situation and so I followed suit.

After dinner he mentioned that it was still early and would I like to do something else. Well frankly I didn't, but also did not want to come across as rude. So I suggested that we take a walk at a nearby park. He agreed and we spent 30 or so minutes walking around. At one point I noticed that the problem had progressed down to his leg. At this point I suggested that we take a rest at a nearby park bench and look at some pictures in my digital camera and talk. He agreed. He was holding the camera and he was literally jerking so hard with his arm at this point that I was afraid that he was going to accidentally throw it. In the end I made an excuse to end the date. He was jerking so badly that I was afraid that if it was progressively getting worse that he might have a car accident driving home.

Brad did ask me out again however through luck I was unavailable and have just used my caller id to screen him since.

For the record what bothered me about his behavior was that he never explained or acknowledged it. Maybe I'm wrong, but had I not told someone I was pursuing a relationship with that I had children they would feel deceived. I just feel that anything that will put constraints on a possible relationship that is so obvious should be put to the forefront at the very beginning.

Mr. Company Manager- Revisited

So one day recently I got a text message for Mr. Company Manager late in the afternoon wanting to know if I was available to get together that night. Now I've never been a "rules kind of girl", but even to me I questioned if I should seem so eager and available to say yes on such short notice when he had disappointed me in the past.

(For those of you not familiar with "The Rules" it is a kind of dating how to. I believe one of the rules is to never accept a date for the weekend that is requested after Wednesday. Supposedly if you follow these rules you will meet Mr. Right and he will marry you.)

Still we had such a good time on our first date that I accepted the last minute invitation. We got together at his place and ate pizza and watched the whole first season of the office on dvd. Although I loved the office and the pizza was great the date overall was ho-hum. I think that the fact that it took 4 months for us to get together again spoiled the entire concept for me. If he asked me out again I would probably except, but a quarterly date does not a relationship make.

Mr. The Love of my Life or so I thought

Since I separated from my ex-husband I have had one major relationship. I haven't written about until now mainly because it is on again off again and I'm still sorting out my feelings for him. For the sake of this story we will call him Jeremy.

Back in February of 2007 I was staying at a sick friends house babysitting. The kids had the tv tied up so I was online perusing myspace and searching though the alumni of my high school for familiar faces. I came across Jeremy's profile and sent him a message. A few days later we went on our first date.

For him I would have to say that it was most likely the first date from Hell. We ended up going to NJ for a party that my friend was throwing. It's about a two hour drive and we planned to spend the night along with everyone else. (My friends in this group all live about two hours from each other so we usually try to get together for a weekend at a time.) Well to put it as tactfully as possible, honestly there is no tactful way, I had a little too much to drink. ( Which isn't hard because I'm a two beer queer.) My girlfriend and I were laughing so hard that we actually lost our balance and toppled over head first into her kitchen cabinets. I can hardly remember the rest of the night. I had a concussion. What I do remember was a lot of the bathroom floor and vomiting into the toilet as Jeremy held my hair back. He later told me he wished he had a counter to count the number of times I said "I'm sorry, I'm never going to drink again."

So it began and I never thought that I would hear from him again. But I did. We began dating and then dating exclusively. By April we were taking short trips together to places like Ocean City and Miami for one of my best friend's weddings. In July I introduced him to my children because I was already in love and felt that they needed to know one another. Everything was great. We didn't have a lot of time together, but we made the most of every minute that we did. (Jeremy manages a company and he works about 60 hours a week. Many of those hours are at night so he also has to go to bed very early in the evening.) We never fought which is probably why I looked at our relationship so idyllically. I didn't realize at the time that it was more because he hated conflict than the fact that we got along so fabulously.

The day before Thanksgiving he said that he was going to take me to meet his Mother. I was very excited. She is his only family and so as you could see this was very momentous. I waited nervously all day at work. And then as we agreed I called him on the way home from work so that he could come over and pick me up. He didn't answer. Not a big deal I thought he'll call me back. I called me best friend instead to chat while I waited. I pulled up to my house and parked. I walked to the front door and opened it all the while chatting with Kat and letting her in on my nervousness. I opened the front door and I believe I said "Oh no." Of course she asked me what was wrong. Directly inside my door was a box and a letter.

While I was at work Jeremy had used the opportunity to drop off all of my belongings and a Dear John letter. It stated that things were great with us, but that he didn't think that he would ever be able to get used to the children.

I was devastated. I balled my eyes out for over a week. I tried to call him, but he wouldn't answer. Finally three or four days later I went to his house and stood outside of his door knocking until he finally answered. I told him that after 9 months I deserved at least a face to face conversation. I told him that if I was losing my boyfriend then I didn't want to lose my friend too. He said that he still loved me and didn't know if he could be around me and not want to be with me. We finally agreed that I would give him space to decide whether or not he could handle a friendship.

Over the next few weeks we saw each other a few times. I never pushed or said anything to him about getting back together, but that is what I was praying for. On Christmas morning the kids flew off to Oklahoma with their Dad to visit relatives and Jeremy came over. Since he has only his Mom we planned to exchange gifts and go to see a movie. Well after we exchanged gifts he kissed me and everything was pretty much where it had left off.

After a simple, but romantic NYE I was very excited about our first Valentine's Day together. I got him a laser printer that he wanted and he got me a Sapphire ring that I had been drooling over for more than a year. Things however were becoming increasingly dissatisfying for me. I loved him SO much, but he was still unwilling to commit more than a few days a month to us. When we were together he was often tired and I often left feeling rejected and unwanted.

One night I told him that we needed to have a discussion about our relationship. He was tired, I agreed that it could wait until the weekend. I made him promise not to cancel on me. Well Saturday came and he didn't answer his phone. I left a voicemail and then I sent a text message. Still no answer. I waited 45 minutes. No answer. I finally sent him a text message stating that I loved him, but I didn't think that he loved me and that maybe we needed a break. Two minutes later I got a text as I reply that he agreed we should never see one another again. This time I promised myself I had learned my lesson and that I wasn't going to be sad. I started dating other people, but I still missed our friendship.

In May on his birthday we made plans to see each other for the first time so that we could exchange items and so that I could give him the birthday gift I had bought before our break up. We saw each other very casually throughout the Spring and Summer. I even mentioned several times that I was looking to meet someone that wanted to be with me permanently. I thought we had finally reached a place where we could be friends.

In September we went out to dinner at a restaurant that I had been wanting to try for almost a year. They have a deck that over looks the river. While we were out he told me that it really hurt him when I made comments about being with someone else because he still wanted to be with me. I was shocked and confused. And that is still kind of where I am. I continue to see other people because he doesn't have enough time for me and I don't know if he can ever really give me what I need to be happy. He asked me to stop making the "when I meet someone comments" so I have, but I've tried to make it clear that I cannot make a commitment to him.

Today we took the kids to the park to play. It was the first time that they have seen him since February. It was a really fun time. After he left I sent him a text message and we started chatting. I told him that I didn't know if we would ever be able to make it work and both be happy. He said that there was time and that we can talk about it. I don't know if I'll have the balls when the time comes, but this is what I plan on telling him....

The amount of time that we spend together is not enough to make me happy. Until he is ready for the commitment of more time and perhaps a ring I'm going to leave myself open to meeting someone else. I'm at my happiest when we're together, but the number of hours that we are apart far out weigh those spent together and the loneliness makes me miserable. I honestly don't know where this is going to go. But honestly he was able to throw me away and shut me out pretty easily two times before so I honestly don't know if I could ever really trust him again.........

Mr. Company Manager

So in June I went on one date with a manager from my company. I felt that it was a fairly successful date. The chemistry was there, everything seemed fine. We discussed the fact that we both had busy schedules and that he traveled a lot. In the end, we agreed to do something again later. We picked a date a few weeks down the road when we would both be available and agreed to get together then.

Well, we work in different office buildings in different towns. We would email and text and have a very rare phone call, but that weekend came and went and all I got was a text message the next Monday that he had gone out of town to visit relatives in Vermont. I forgave that pretty easily.

Things cooled off for awhile. Then last week he had another managers meeting at my building and I was sure to wear my hottest work appropriate dress. It's a half sleeve brown cotton wrap dress with a v-neck that hugs all the right places. And when I knew that he was in the building I sent him a text saying that he should come by and say hello.

This would not seem odd to anyone since my position requires me to answer phone calls from customers in our region which is originally how we met. A few minutes later I got a text stating that he had tried to, but had been cut off by another employee and forced to go to another part of the building. I was on the phone and didn't initially see the text. So when I picked up the phone there were two messages. The second was sent one minute later and only said P.S.- Super cute dress!

So the flirtation began again and we made tentative plans to get together tonight. I had an ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach that he was just going to bale on me after the fact once again.

And guess what....I was right... Don't know how I feel. I've kinda had a rough weekend. There is another managers meeting at my location for the next 3 days and someone else who I am friends with will be in the office for the duration.

I went out for coffee with him tonight, telling him in advance that I was probably going to be stood up by Mr. Company Manager. It was really nice. Not romantic in anyway, just a friend who I have a lot in common with. Funny thing is tomorrow he is going to be sitting across from the jerk who stood me up and he'll never even know it.

Mr. Myspace

So after the whole incident with the guy from my High School I pretty much decided that I was probably doomed in the relationship department. I figured that if I didn't make an effort to meet new people that they weren't just going to come and seek me out. A few months earlier I had gone on one random date with a guy that I had met on Myspace. He had sought me out and told me about his 3 children and his hard breakup of his 8 year marriage and I felt like we had a lot in common. That was until the date. We'll call Mr. Myspace Mark. Mark and I meet for coffee at a local Starbucks. He was attractive and tall and funny, but he wasn't a Christian and I definitely am. So at the end of the date we said goodnight and went on our way. We talked the next day by phone and he did ask for another date, but I said I don't know what the point would be this could never work out because we live our lives to different ways. That pretty much shut him down. WELL after the guy from High School lost total interest I decided to give Mark a second chance. We went out to dinner and then breakfast and some where in there he introduced me to his children. To me being introduced to someone's kids was a big deal. I even mentioned to him that I thought that it was too soon and that I thought that should be reserved for a serious relationship. But Mark represented himself as someone who was heartbroken about the end of his marriage. A single Dad doing it all by himself. Someone who was just getting back into the dating scene. So I let it slide and tried my best to go with the flow. So after a few weeks of seeing each other Mark stops answering his phone. We had made plans to see each other and then he just never showed up and never called. The next day he did return me call with an excuse that he was playing poker with friends and that he thought our plans were just tentative.

Mr. Cute High School classmate

So you think that after two disappointing "adventures into the dating world" I might cool my jets. However I really require a lot of communication and attention and no matter how doting my children or best friend were I was still trying to meet Mr. Right or as it seems MR. Right then. I had been on Myspace for maybe 2 months when I received an email from a guy who had been in my class in High School. He was cute and really in shape and shared my faith. We exchanged phone numbers and started chatting. We'll call him Neal for the purposes of our story. Neal told me how he had dated someone with children before and how he wanted to get married someday and BONUS he lived only 15 minutes away. So I guess I thought that it was safe to assume that there was potential there. I went over to his house one of my child free nights and I made dinner and we watched a movie. He kissed me and said that he really liked me. Funny thing is later when I suggested that we get together a week or so later he agreed and then pretty much ignored me. I guess I decided that I wasn't going to chase on this one. And decided that I was better off not wasting my time.

Mr. Ex-Fiance'

So after the tear streaked "break-up" with Ron I went back to the drawing board. I am completely a computer moron. Those books they write for dummies should have my picture on the cover. Believe it or not I made it the whole way to 2006 without ever hearing of MYSPACE or FACEBOOK. So as a way to try and reconnect with old friends my best friend Kathleen created a myspace page for me. While poking around and searching for random people from my past I decided to look for my fiance' from college. (Apparently the Ron incident had taught me nothing.) After a lot of indecision I sent Micky and email. I wasn't sure if he would be happy to hear from me or not. I didn't know if he was married or had children because he had his page was set to private. Almost immediately he answered and we started talking via phone and the Internet. He had been married and divorced twice and he still wasn't a father. He was now a State Trooper in Indiana where we attended college. Without much persuading I agreed to come and visit him for a few days. This was no easy feat considering that my ex-husband still viewed me in many ways as his property and full-time babysitter. Somehow though I managed to get a babysitter and a plane ticket. Things were looking up. Micky and I were talking about taking things slow, but it seemed we were going to pick things up where they had fallen apart 8 years before. Then all of a sudden he stopped answering his phone. Finally he sent me a message on myspace. Apparently over NYE he had a met a girl and decided that instead of playing both of us that he wanted to see her. From later conversations I believe that this was because she was more geographically desirable. Well thank God had it didn't fly to Indiana because a few months later he called and told me that he hated her, but she was pregnant with their first child. What a dog! So I lost my plane ticket money, but at least my dignity was preserved.